Hello and welcome back to Mortgage Advisor on FIRE. This week I look back at a frustrating first session with my psychologist. Also, a great new finance book, and a nice boost to my investment income.
Weekly Update
I’ve posted recently about my mental health struggles but I don’t think I’ve made it clear how bad I’ve been. Over the last few weeks, I’ve hit one of the lowest points I remember. I hit a similar low point in 2010, and again in 2020. I suspect that the recent downswing had something to do with reducing my meds and the withdrawal kicking in. I’d tried to taper off slowly, but it looks like I need to be even more cautious. I was on 30mg of Mirtazapine, reducing it by 7.5mg every few weeks. I was on a daily dose of 7.5mg when the withdrawal kicked me in the head. I don’t think all my recent mental health struggles are down to the meds alone. I suspect that it’s a combination of the reduced dose and the daily pressures we all face. The problem is, as an autistic person, my baseline stress levels are higher than normal anyway, so it doesn’t take much to push my stress levels into the red zone.
Another problem with autistic burnout is that it can leave you feeling less than whole. I never really understood this until I experienced it myself. When I hit my worst period of burnout, even when I “recovered”, I never felt completely recovered. Picture this, and you might understand what I’m trying to explain. You have a hundred bricks to build a wall. However, a storm comes and destroys the wall, and when you gather the bricks to rebuild, you find you only have ninety-eight bricks. You rebuild, but the wall is weaker as there are two bricks missing. That’s how it feels when you come back from this mental exhaustion.
I’ve tried having therapy, counselling, or whatever you want to call it a few times in the past. I had some sessions at university, but I didn’t really get much from it. A few years ago I saw another therapist but I wasn’t convinced by their approach, and in my third, maybe fourth session, they spent the whole time yawning and seemingly uninterested and bored. I didn’t go back. I had some video sessions with someone in 2020, and although she was a nice lady, it quickly got to a point where dredging everything up each session was doing more harm than good.
Anyway, following this recent bout of feeling rubbish, I was directed to have more sessions with a clinical psychologist. I found someone who seemed good, with plenty of experience and qualifications. I had my first appointment on Monday. It did not go well. Within the first five minutes, I just wanted to end the session there and then, but I pushed on to the end hoping it would get better. You’re probably wondering what was so bad, and so I’ll explain…
The psychologist asked me to discuss what brought me to this session. I explained a bit about my mental health, and that I’m autistic. The conversation went like this;
Me: I’m autistic…
Psychologist: *cutting me off* have you been diagnosed?
Me: Yes…
Psychologist: *cutting me off again* where on the spectrum are you?
Me: erm, the spectrum doesn’t work like that, it’s not a ….
Psychologist: *cutting me off again* have you got Asperger’s?
Me: that’s not really a term many people use anymore…
Psychologist: *cut me off again and moved on to something else*
We talked a little more, with him interrupting me almost every time I spoke, and then he asked me the following, with no hint of irony or self-awareness;
“Do you have a problem with turn taking in conversations?”
Some of you may have spotted the four major red flags, while others may not. That’s fine, no one is an expert in everything. This guy, however, is supposed to be an expert in his field but his questioning suggests otherwise.
Red Flag 1 – Where on the spectrum are you?
There are many people who think the autism spectrum is a linear continuum with “mild autism” at one end and “severe autism” at the other. This is wrong. This isn’t my opinion, it’s simply a fact. When we talk about the autism spectrum we are talking about the various factors that come together for that person, in respect of their unique differences in sensory perception and processing, communication, and so on. Every autistic person has their own “autistic fingerprint” for lack of a better term, with their own strengths and weaknesses; just like any other person. See the image below. It’s not perfect, but it’s closer to the truth of what the autistic spectrum is.
A clinical psychologist has no excuse for not understanding this.
Red Flag 2 – Have you got Asperger’s?
There are two things to unpack here. First, Asperger’s is a term many are no longer comfortable using. The term is named after Hans Asperger, a piece of shit who collaborated with the Nazis and sent many children to Nazi “clinics” where they were tortured and murdered. So, it’s understandable that people might not want to be associated with a Nazi. The second point is that many autistic people reject the idea that they “have” autism. It’s not an illness or a disease. It’s not something that can be surgically removed. Autism is a difference in how the brain works; there’s no inherent value judgement; it’s not better or worse, it’s simply a difference that can be an advantage or disadvantage depending on the social and environmental circumstances present.
Further to these points, the term “Asperger’s” was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in *checks notes* 20-fucking-13.
A clinical psychologist has no excuse for not understanding this.
Red Flag 3 – Constantly Interrupting
There’s no excuse for this. It’s just rude. When you constantly interrupt someone, you are making it clear that you think you are more important. For something like this, where the patient can only describe their problems in words, and is probably anxious, nervous, and stressed out already, constantly interrupting them is sending a signal that they’re viewed as unimportant. It doesn’t make the patient feel at ease, and it doesn’t make them want to open up.
A clinical psychologist has no excuse for not understanding this.
Red Flag 4 – Turn-taking in conversations…
This was just insulting and if I didn’t know better, I’d suspect the guy was taking the piss. The idea that all autistic people have problems with turn-taking in conversations is just bullshit.
One thing I’ve started to notice more and more is that some neurotypical people are exceptionally poor at communicating. They are constantly looking for their next turn to speak, interrupting the person who is talking, and not taking onboard anything that anyone else says. Or, as Chuck Palahniuk says; ‘People don’t listen, they just wait for their turn to talk.’
Now that I’m aware of this, I see it… All. The. Time.
My approach to communication has changed as a result. If I’m talking and someone interrupts, I just stop talking and let them finish. Then, I start saying what I was originally saying until they inevitably interrupt again. Most people get the concept at this point, but some don’t. I’m also baffled by how many people seem to have conversations with themselves. It’s like, they ask a question, interrupt when the other person starts to answer, and then go off about their day like a pigeon that’s just shat on the chessboard and thinks it’s won the game.
Next time you are having a conversation with someone, pay attention to how many times they interrupt, and how many times you interrupt them. It’s a marvel anyone manages to communicate anything.
In a medical setting, where a patient is trying to articulate their thoughts and feelings, constantly interrupting serves no purpose.
A clinical psychologist has no excuse for not understanding this.
I think it’s safe to say I will not be going back.
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2023 Goals
Click here to see my 2023 progress (opens a new tab).
What Am I Doing?
TV: The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix).
Audiobook: Easy Money by Ben McKenzie & Jacob Silverman.
I stumbled across Easy Money by chance. I was watching the news when a story came up about actor, Ben McKenzie, testifying in front of a US Senate committee on banking. For those who don’t know who he is, he’s an actor who starred as James Gordon in the TV show, Gotham; a Batman prequel series, and many other productions. Anyway, his testimony was arguing that cryptocurrency is a huge Ponzi scheme; the biggest in history. I was intrigued. I looked up the story in more detail and found out he’d written a book on the subject, which was just released, and this is why his testimony was back in the news; he’d originally testified months previously.
I smashed through the audiobook, which Ben McKenzie narrates, quickly. It’s funny, informative, and engaging. He articulates many of the concerns I’ve had about crypto, but which I’ve not been able to explain fully due to a lack of knowledge. For anyone interested in crypto, or investigative financial journalism generally, I’d highly recommend this book.
Financial Update
Assets
Premium Bonds: £10,300.00 (no change).
Stocks and Shares ISA: £57,878.82 (-£2,328.74).
Fuck It Fund: £5,737.31 (+£162.23).
Pensions: £61,823.21 (+£349.51).
Residential Property Value: £229,653.00 (no change).
BTL Property Value: £148,195.00 (no change).
Total Assets: £513,587.34 (-£1,817.00).
Debts
Credit Card: £0.00 (no change).
Loans: £0.00 (no change).
Residential Mortgage: £175,959.41 (-£821.64).
BTL Mortgage: £104,967.51 (-£5.96).
Total Debts: £280,926.92 (-£827.60).
Total Wealth: £232,660.42 (-£989.40).
Investment Income in 2023: £4,993.14 (target £8,500).
Another £100 win on the Premium Bonds this month helped boost my investment income for the year to almost £5,000. My projections are that I’ll finish the year on around £8,150 for investment income. This would be a decent increase on last year and it will not be too long before I start thinking about next year’s goal.
We’ve increased our payments on our residential mortgage, as the rates are soon to increase massively. Most of our mortgage is on a rate of 0.81% which ends in January next year. Assuming rates remain the same between now and when we can change, we’re looking at a new rate of around 5.5%. Moving forward the priority has to be to reduce the mortgage balance as quickly as possible. At 5.5% the payments are going to skyrocket. Words cannot adequately convey how much I hate this Tory government, and Truss and Kwarteng in particular, for how they’ve mismanaged the economy.
The fact that everything is more expensive means that my regular income is being squeezed so much I will hardly be able to invest anything. This is a far cry from just a few months ago when I was comfortably able to invest half my salary. As bad as it seems to me, I just have to remember that it could be much worse. It’s easy to get bogged down in the negatives, but I have a good standard of living and I have some savings and investments behind me. It’s not like I have to choose between food or heating which some people have to, which is a disgrace in itself. In 2023, in the UK, someone should be able to live a decent life on minimum wage; that’s what a minimum wage should be, after all. It should allow someone to have all the basics of life covered.
Disclaimer
The views and opinions in this blog are my own, and do not represent the views or opinions of my employer, nor should they be considered advice.
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Thank you for another good blog, witty and humourous and interesting.
As for your experience with the ‘psychologist’ – the guy needs reporting to the UKCP by the sounds of it, he seems shockingly misinformed and I am surprised he is allowed to practice. I am sorry you had to go through that!
Keep your chin up, you are doing fantastically as always.
The psychologist was simply not fit for purpose. The whole experience with him is a microcosm of what can go wrong with “professionals” in the autism field, and is far too common.
The myth of autistic people not understanding turn-taking in conversation is pervasive and completely unfounded. Anyone watching two or more neurotypical people having a conversation will very commonly see turn-taking abandoned as they scuffle to get their words out paying scant attention to each other.