Hello and welcome back to Mortgage Advisor on FIRE.
Weekly Update
Our Poppy celebrated her 17th birthday this week, and as tradition dictates we served her meowjasty some chicken that was shaped to read her new age. Now that she’s 17 I think she can learn to drive, but that’s a whole other conversation.
She really is the best cat you could wish for, just like our other cats. They’re all the best.
As I’m typing this she’s curled up on her favourite cushion having a well earned rest after all her hard work doing…. Cat stuff?
This week Oana and I have really pushed it with cycling. We’ve done 150km this week, and believe me we can feel it. Friday was a particularly punishing day. We rode out to Waverley and back with a friend in the afternoon, and in the evening took part in another Sheffield Critical Mass Ride with roughly 40 people going through the city with loudspeakers blasting out cheesy 80s music, some fancy dress, and lots of laughs. Between those two rides we did almost 50k.
My new job is continuing to be a huge change from my last role. Who could have guessed that being treated as a competent and grown up professional would lead to better results?
Anyway, I don’t think I’ve mentioned where I’m working but it’s a business called Elm Tree Mortgages, and I’ll be on their Meet The Team section soon. I did have some fun getting an image together for my profile pic. After taking the standard selfie in a shirt and tie, it was a case of, What If?
So, below is my standard work profile pic and a couple of variations:
This Week on The AFI Podcast
Check out the AFI section of this site for links to the pod on the various platforms.
In the latest episode, Darren and I tackle a few things: Should autistic people be allowed to drive? We also discuss our experiences with autistic burnout.
As a new podcast, getting noticed is difficult, so please help us out by sharing the links, and leaving a rating and review.
What I’m Doing
Listening: Not Till We Are Lost: Bobiverse Book 5 by Dennis E. Taylor.
Watching: The Bombing of Pan Am 103 (Netflix).
Reading: Abaddon’s Gate (Expanse Book 3) by James S. A. Corey.
Financial Update
Assets
Premium Bonds: £250.00.
Stocks and Shares ISA: £142,098.98.
Fuck It Fund: £0.00.
Pensions: £129,089.96.
Residential Property Value: £245,790.00.
Total Assets: £517,228.94.
Debts
Residential Mortgage: £173,281.83.
Total Debts: £173,281.83.
Total Wealth
Total Wealth: £343,947.11.
The big news from this week is that I withdrew £12k from my ISA. Having gone so long without a regular wage; since October 2025, a few things had started to look precarious financially. It’s not that much of a concern though, as once I’ve established a pipeline in my new venture I should be able to start investing again.
Top Ten Funniest/Most Crazy Conspiracy Theories
8. The Mandela Effect (Part 357)
7. Titanic Was Swapped With Olympic (Part 358)
6. The Phantom Time Hypothesis: What If Someone Just Made Up 300 Years? (Part 359)
5. The Moon Landing Was Faked (Part 360)
4. Project Blue Beam: When Faking the Moon Landing Just Isn’t Ambitious Enough
It’s time for another entry in my chaotic tour through some of the world’s most batshit conspiracy theories.
We’ve already established that the Earth is apparently flat while simultaneously being hollow, CERN might have broken reality, Titanic might have secretly been Olympic, somebody apparently invented 300 years of history, and NASA spent the 1960s developing the world’s most elaborate film production. But wait, there’s more…
I would like to introduce you to Project Blue Beam.
I’m going to warn you in advance; this one has fucking everything.
Holograms. Satellites. Fake earthquakes. Mind control. Religion. Telepathy. The New World Order. A fake Second Coming. Oh, and aliens. This is what happens when you mix the “and then” school of comedy with a conspiracy nutjob who doesn’t know when to stop. The theory is obviously bullshit, but I have to just stop and admire the brain that came up with this.
So what actually is Project Blue Beam?
The theory is most closely associated with Canadian conspiracy theorist Serge Monast, who promoted it during the 1990s.
According to Monast, powerful organisations were supposedly working towards establishing a New World Order and a single global government.
To accomplish this, existing religions and national identities would need to be undermined, and apparently the people running the world decided that propaganda, political influence and economic power were all far too straightforward.
Instead, they would stage an enormous technological deception involving the entire planet. The alleged operation would unfold in several stages, ultimately convincing humanity that some kind of supernatural or extraterrestrial event was taking place.
People would panic. Existing belief systems would collapse. Humanity would accept a new global religion and political order. And whoever was running Project Blue Beam would presumably sit back and say:
“Fucking nailed it.”
Let’s go through the plan because it gets considerably better.
Fakequakes
The first stage supposedly involves artificially created earthquakes. Already we’re off to a strong start. I’m thinking 1970s Bond villain in a hollowed out mountain base.
These earthquakes would allegedly uncover archaeological discoveries contradicting established religious teachings.
The idea is that carefully manufactured discoveries would demonstrate that major religions had misunderstood their own histories.
Faith in existing religions would collapse, humanity would become psychologically vulnerable, and the conspirators could move on to stage two.
If I’m being charitable, I would say there are a few minor practical problems here.
Human activity can definitely cause seismic events. Mining, reservoir construction, geothermal operations and injecting fluids underground can all produce or trigger earthquakes under certain conditions.
That’s real. There’s no argument about this in broad terms, but that’s rather different from possessing a machine where someone can point at Egypt and press:
EARTHQUAKE – REVEAL CONVENIENT FAKE ARCHAEOLOGY.
We’re then talking about a level of precision that would cause huge destruction whilst also leaving the “ancient artifacts” intact. Oh, and these artifacts would need to pass examination by the world’s leading scientists, but that’s just detail.
HOLOGOD
Now we get to the bit Project Blue Beam is famous for.
According to the theory, satellites or other advanced technology would project enormous holographic images into the sky. Exactly how this is achieved is, again, just detail, and much like I tell Oana when making outlandish suggestions, I’m just a big picture guy.
Different regions would supposedly see religious figures appropriate to their beliefs.
Christians might see Jesus. Other religions would see something appropriate to their beliefs. How this would appear in a multicultural and multireligious location is just detail. Again, we’re talking about the big picture here, literally and figuratively.
These apparitions would then somehow merge into a single entity that announces a new universal religion.
Basically: God: The Avengers.
Apparently billions of people would immediately accept this without question. No theologians pointing out doctrinal problems. No scientists examining the phenomenon. No bloke on TikTok zooming in and announcing: “You can see the pixels.”
Everyone just abandons thousands of years of religious tradition because a very large Jesus appeared over Stoke on a cold winter night.
Could we actually project a giant hologram into the sky?
This is where the theory often gets muddled with real technology. Humans can create spectacular projected images. We have drone displays, laser shows, projection mapping, augmented reality, Pepper’s Ghost-style illusions and large-scale displays. And we’ve all seen concerts where a dead musician supposedly appears on stage as a “hologram.”
However, creating a convincing three-dimensional image hundreds or thousands of metres high, visible simultaneously across enormous geographical regions and apparently suspended in empty sky is another matter entirely. Light needs something to interact with. You can’t simply point a projector into clear air and create a perfectly solid-looking 20-mile-high Jesus that everyone across Britain sees from the correct perspective.
Atmospheric particles can scatter light, and various projection technologies can create impressive effects under controlled conditions. But Project Blue Beam requires something orders of magnitude beyond that, and not in a laboratory. Across the entire planet. Without anybody noticing the infrastructure beforehand.
We struggle to maintain a fairly simple network of public transport where trains should be able to run east to west and back, yet according to this theory creating a convincing sky wizard is easy.
This is where HAARP inevitably gets dragged in
If you’ve spent enough time exploring conspiracy theories, you’ll eventually encounter HAARP. The High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a research facility in Alaska used to study the ionosphere. Which sounds technical, and technical things make excellent conspiracy ingredients, because if you don’t understand it, it’s obviously a massive conspiracy.
Over the years, HAARP has been accused of causing earthquakes, controlling weather, manipulating minds and generally possessing whatever superpower a particular conspiracy requires that afternoon. Project Blue Beam discussions sometimes incorporate HAARP or similar technology as part of the mechanism. It’s basically HAARP all the way down at this point.
Need an earthquake? HAARP. Need strange atmospheric effects? HAARP. Need mind control? Probably HAARP. Lost your keys? Check whether HAARP has them.
The problem is that studying the ionosphere doesn’t magically provide the ability to control tectonic plates, manufacture global hallucinations or turn the atmosphere into an IMAX screen. I mean, it would be cool to see a mile high holographic show, but it’s just not possible with the technology today.
God starts talking inside your head
At this point, you’d think enormous holographic deities appearing in the sky would be sufficient. You would be wrong.
The next stage allegedly involved electronic telepathy. Using extremely low-frequency or other electromagnetic technologies, the conspirators would supposedly transmit voices directly into people’s minds. The experience would feel personal. God wouldn’t simply appear in the sky. God would talk to you.
Imagine sitting at home eating your breakfast when suddenly a voice appears inside your head:
“DAVID.”
What?
“THIS IS GOD.”
Fuuuuuuuuck….
“ACCEPT THE NEW WORLD ORDER.”
Hogan, Hall and Nash?
“No, the NEW, NEW WORLD ORDER”
Can I finish my coffee first?
This would supposedly convince people that the religious apparition was genuine. And once again, the theory takes something vaguely connected to real scientific concepts and then launches itself into hyperspace.
Researchers have investigated ways electromagnetic stimulation can affect the nervous system. There are also technologies capable of producing unusual auditory sensations under particular circumstances. But that’s an enormous distance from “a satellite can individually beam a perfectly intelligible personalised voice into billions of people’s brains.”
It’s like claiming just because you can strike a match, you can build a nuke.
And finally: aliens
The final stage of Project Blue Beam supposedly involves creating the appearance of a global extraterrestrial attack or other enormous supernatural event. Humanity would believe Earth was under threat. Faced with an external enemy, nations would unite, people would surrender national sovereignty, a global government would emerge and the New World Order would finally be established.
It’s basically the ending of Watchmen but with considerably more admin. Also, have you met people? There could literally be an Independence Day style attack going on and someone would be claiming it as a False Flag.
I do love the scale of this, though. We have a group of elites who can generate fakequakes, control human thought, and simulate an alien invasion, but they can’t just, you know, subtly control elections to achieve their ends a little more in the background.
Why would anyone believe this?
Here’s where Project Blue Beam becomes genuinely interesting, because individually, some of the ingredients are based loosely on real things.
Governments conduct secret projects. Military deception and propaganda exist. Psychological warfare exists. Holographic and projection technology exists. Artificial intelligence can generate convincing fake imagery. Humans can influence seismic activity in limited circumstances. Governments have researched technologies capable of influencing human behaviour. Satellites exist. Politicians have discussed global governance.
Take each fact separately and none proves Project Blue Beam. But combine them into one narrative and something strange happens: the gaps between facts become invisible.
Holograms exist, therefore giant sky holograms are possible. Electromagnetic radiation can affect biological tissue, therefore satellites can transmit God into your brain. Human activity can induce earthquakes, therefore earthquakes can be precisely manufactured to expose planted archaeological evidence. Governments conduct classified operations, therefore this classified operation exists.
Every step contains a little piece of truth. The problem is the enormous unsupported leap connecting it to the next one, but that’s just detail.
The Problem of Scale
Project Blue Beam isn’t supposedly happening in one city. It’s global.
So let’s think about what would actually be required: satellites, ground infrastructure, energy, engineers, software developers, military personnel, scientists, technicians, manufacturers, intelligence agencies, government officials and religious experts.
Then we need people planting fake archaeological discoveries, people creating artificial earthquakes, people developing mind-control technology, people designing the holograms, people producing the fake alien invasion and presumably someone whose job is to make sure Giant Sky Jesus renders correctly.
How many countries are involved? Who builds everything? Who launches the satellites? Who maintains them? Who tests the system? And how does nobody notice?
Once again, conspiracy theories require humanity to possess an organisational competence that has never been demonstrated anywhere else in recorded history. We struggle to organise roadworks, but apparently a secret international cabal can coordinate a fake supernatural event across every continent without someone leaving the plans on a train or without someone CCing the wrong person in an email chain.
If true, it would be spectacular
Visually, it would be incredible. Imagine looking outside and seeing an enormous spacecraft hanging silently over Sheffield. The clouds light up. Thousands of smaller craft appear. A colossal figure materialises across the sky. A voice suddenly speaks inside your head.
Come on, you know it would be fun.
The genuinely important lesson
There is something useful buried underneath all this madness. Technology is making it easier to deceive people. Deepfakes are improving. Synthetic voices are improving. AI-generated photographs and video are improving. Coordinated disinformation is real. Propaganda is real. Governments and private organisations genuinely do attempt to influence public opinion.
So the sensible response isn’t “Project Blue Beam is real.” It’s “We need to become better at verifying extraordinary claims.”
Where did the image come from? Can it be independently confirmed? Are multiple unrelated sources reporting the same thing? Is there physical evidence? Can experts examine it? Does the proposed technology actually work the way people claim?
Those questions are considerably less exciting than assuming every strange light in the sky is the rehearsal for a fake alien invasion, but they’re considerably more useful.
Because there’s a wonderful irony at the centre of Project Blue Beam. Its believers are worried that powerful organisations might use advanced technology to manipulate people into believing something extraordinary without sufficient evidence.
And their response is to believe an extraordinary story about advanced technology without sufficient evidence.
*chef’s kiss*
So is Project Blue Beam real?
No.
Although if I look out of the window tomorrow and there’s a 30,000-foot Jesus floating above Sheffield while a fleet of alien spacecraft attacks Meadowhall, I’ll happily publish a correction.
DISCLAIMER
The views and opinions in this blog are my own, and do not represent the views or opinions of my former, current, or future employers, nor should they be considered advice.
If you want personalised financial advice, seek an appropriate professional. If you are in financial difficulty, seek advice via the resources below:
Biolink
You can now find all my social media pages by checking out my Biolink:
bio.link/davidscothern.
I mean… Musk is already putting the satellites in orbit…