Part 297: How FI being simple puts people off.

Hello and welcome back to Mortgage Advisor on FIRE.  This week I discuss the simplicity of FI and how this can put people off following it. Also, why the whole idea of “being the bigger person” is rubbish.

Weekly Update

Covid sucks.  Yep, Oana and I have both come down with Covid, and we must have caught it on the cruise.  We arrived back in the UK on 28th June, and by Monday 30th, Oana was in a really bad way.  She was dizzy, lightheaded, having hot and cold spells, and all the usual ENT issues.  I started feeling rough on Tuesday, 1st July, and had to finish work early on Wednesday.  This is my fourth or fifth time having Covid and it’s completely kicked my ass.  Much of Thursday and Friday has been spent in bed with a fan blasting air on me almost constantly.  As I write this on Saturday, I’m feeling better but not 100%.  Thankfully, I’m vaccinated and had my last booster in October last year.

Oana has not been able to get a recent booster as she doesn’t fall within the criteria, which just seems crazy.  Surely everyone should be able to get the vaccine if they want it?  I’ve had it rough, but when Oana was at the peak, she was much worse.

Diabetes UK Step Challenge

The timing of this is frustrating because on July 1st I should have started my Diabetes Step Challenge.  I’ve got until the end of September, but because I’ve missed the first few days, those missed steps get rolled into the remaining days, which bumps up the daily total needed to hit the target.  

I’m afraid that, due to Covid, I don’t have much else to say about this week apart from the fact that we had our delivery of our Bricklink order for the Merchant Boat.  The Bricklink Designer Program allows people to submit designs for Lego sets, which are then assessed and voted on through several stages.  At the end, a few designs are chosen to be crowdfunded and then built and packaged by Lego.  This is our first Bricklink set, but we’ve since ordered another, which should arrive in a few months.  Normally, we would have smashed this set, but we can only do a bag at a time before the headache and dizziness take hold.  

“Be the Bigger Person” — Why That Advice Is Bullshit

It’s one of those phrases that gets thrown around like a badge of honour:

“Just be the bigger person.”

You’ve probably heard it after being disrespected, lied to, mistreated, or let down. It’s always said with good intentions; the kind of advice that sounds wise and mature. Rise above it. Don’t stoop to their level. Take the high road.

But here’s the problem: the high road can feel like hell when you’re the only one walking it.

This kind of advice often disguises itself as virtue, but in reality, it’s a shortcut; a way of keeping the peace by putting the emotional burden on the person who’s already hurting.

It’s Always the Hurt One Who Has to Be “Bigger”

Have you noticed that? The person who did the damage rarely gets told to reflect, apologise, or grow. The spotlight isn’t on their behaviour; it’s on your reaction to it. You’re told not to be angry. Not to speak up. Not to make things awkward.

You’re told to move on, even if they haven’t changed. Even if they’ve never once acknowledged the harm.

And somehow, if you don’t “rise above it,” you become the problem. You’re the one holding a grudge. You’re the one making things uncomfortable. Never mind the original offence; let’s just focus on how inconvenient your boundaries are for everyone else.

Politeness Over Principles

We live in a world that values harmony over honesty. Confrontation makes people uncomfortable, even when it’s necessary. So instead of encouraging accountability, we wrap everything in polite packaging.

We tell people to let things go. Keep the peace. Don’t make a fuss.

But there’s a cost to that kind of emotional appeasement. And too often, it’s paid by the person who was already carrying the weight of someone else’s actions.

Let’s be clear: being the bigger person shouldn’t mean tolerating mistreatment. It shouldn’t mean downplaying your feelings or pretending something didn’t matter just to keep others comfortable.

Sometimes, “being the bigger person” is just a socially acceptable way to silence people.

Growth isn’t One-Sided

Forgiveness, empathy, and maturity – all these things are powerful. But they should never be expected unconditionally. Real growth is reciprocal. It involves owning your impact, making amends, and doing the uncomfortable work of change.

Telling someone to “just be the bigger person” skips that part. It bypasses the messy, necessary stage of accountability and goes straight to emotional closure. But closure isn’t something you can demand from someone else. It has to be earned.

Otherwise, what you’re asking for isn’t peace, it’s passivity.

Why This Hits Even Harder for Autistic People

For autistic people, including myself, this whole dynamic can be even more difficult to navigate. Many of us have a strong, almost hardwired sense of justice, fairness, and right vs wrong. It’s not about being inflexible or difficult; it’s about being wired to care deeply about integrity and truth. So when someone behaves unfairly or causes harm without accountability, it creates an internal dissonance that’s incredibly hard to ignore.

We’re not wired to brush things off “just because it’s easier.”
We don’t do social games, emotional loopholes, or pretend-for-peace politics.
We value authenticity. And when the world rewards the opposite, when it expects you to keep quiet so someone else can save face, that cuts deep.

Being told to “be the bigger person” feels like a request to betray yourself.

To deny what you know to be wrong.

To abandon your moral compass just to avoid awkwardness.

And that doesn’t just feel unfair.  It can feel unbearable.

Autistic people are often described as rigid or sensitive when we refuse to let things go. But what’s actually happening is that we’re responding to a breach in trust or values, and it’s not something we can just override for the sake of social ease. Our reactions are not overreactions; they’re proportional to the harm done and the meaning behind it.

So when someone hurts us and others expect us to take the high road without ever seeing the other person held accountable, it’s not just frustrating: It’s invalidating.

For us, justice is not a luxury; it’s a need. And being denied that in the name of politeness isn’t maturity. It’s emotional neglect.

Holding Boundaries Is Not Immaturity

There’s this idea that if you set a firm boundary, or refuse to forgive someone who hasn’t changed, you’re somehow being petty or stuck in the past. But the truth is, holding people accountable is a sign of self-respect, not weakness.

You don’t owe anyone your silence. You don’t have to make yourself smaller just to appear “bigger.” You’re allowed to say, “That wasn’t okay,” and mean it.

You’re allowed to walk away from people who hurt you, even if others think you should stay.

You’re allowed to want more than a hollow apology or a quiet sweep under the rug.

Being the bigger person isn’t always the noble thing it’s made out to be. Sometimes, it’s the emotionally exhausting path of least resistance, dressed up as virtue. Sometimes, it’s a way to let someone off the hook, just so everyone else can avoid discomfort.

And sometimes, the strongest thing you can do isn’t to rise above, it’s to stand your ground and say, “This far, no further.”

Because integrity isn’t about being agreeable. It’s about being honest.  Even when that honesty makes people squirm.

What I’m Doing

Listening: The Relentless Moon by Mary Robinette Kowal.

Watching: Spaceman (Netflix).

On Thursday night, we were not well enough to do anything, and so it was a microwave dinner and a film on TV.  We picked Spaceman.  It was different.  

Adam Sandler and a giant telepathic spider – in space.  

Now, I know that sounds batshit crazy, and the first 20-30 minutes are full of clumsy exposition, but if you stick with it you get a beautiful exploration of human relationships, loneliness, and friendship.

Visually, the film is stunning, and the only slight issue with the CGI relates to some scenes with the spider.  

Overall, I enjoyed the film.  Had the exposition not been quite so in-your-face, and with a bigger budget for CGI, this had the potential to be a sci-fi classic.

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Financial Update

Assets

Premium Bonds: £19,000.00.

Stocks and Shares ISA: £114,601.80.

Fuck It Fund: £500.29.

Pensions: £97,437.15.

Residential Property Value: £239,368.00. 

Total Assets: £470,907.24

Debts

Residential Mortgage: £177,949.31. 

Total Debts: £177,949.31.

Total Wealth: £292,957.93.

I’m edging closer to hitting the second part of the FI Trinity; £100k in ISA, pension, and property equity.  As things stand, it could only be another month or so before my pension value crosses into six figures.

We came back from the cruise with a fair bit of spare cash, but it’s not something we feel comfortable investing just yet.  We’re waiting on an updated report on the fire safety for our apartment block, and from what we’ve heard on the grapevine, some remedial work is likely.  Hopefully, it’s not going to come with an insane cost.  

No Magic Bullet: Why People Overcomplicate Financial Independence

Everyone wants the magic bullet. The silver-lining shortcut. The “one little trick” that will unlock early retirement, six-figure side hustles, or a passive income empire. We’ve all seen the ads, the reels, the promises. But here’s the truth: 

Financial Independence isn’t complicated.

It’s boringly, almost offensively, simple.

Spend less than you earn.
Invest the difference into low-cost, global index funds.
Repeat for a decade or two.
Done.

But simplicity doesn’t mean easy. And it definitely doesn’t mean popular. Because, despite how straightforward the concept is, most people still don’t do it. They don’t even try. Instead, they go looking for gurus, secrets, quick wins, anything that avoids actually sitting down and looking at the numbers.

People Want Recipes, Not Ingredients

I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve asked me where to start with FI. I point them to a blog post, a book, or a podcast, all of which are freely available. Most of the time, they’ll nod, thank me, and do absolutely nothing.

It’s not because they’re lazy or stupid. It’s because they want to be told exactly what to do. Not just the “what,” but the “how,” the “when,” the “in what order,” and preferably in a ready-made app with pretty colours. They want recipes. But FI is all about ingredients. And you have to learn how to cook for yourself.

That’s the difference between consuming information and taking responsibility.

The Truth is Too Boring for Social Media

Spend less than you earn? Save consistently for 10–20 years? Max out your pension? Live in a smaller house than you can “afford”? That’s not going to go viral. You’re not going to get 50,000 likes for saying, “track your spending for a month and cancel your unused subscriptions.”

What does go viral? Some guy telling you to remortgage your house and put it all into crypto. Or the girl on TikTok who made £8k in a week selling AI-generated calendars. None of that is replicable. But it’s exciting. And that’s what people chase.  

We’ve Been Taught to Outsource

Part of the problem is mindset. We’ve been raised to think money is too complicated for us to handle. “Leave it to the experts.” “It’s all too risky.” “Pensions are a scam.” It’s easier to keep your head in the sand and hope something, anything, will rescue you from the nine-to-five grind.

But if you can manage a Netflix account, do your weekly shop, plan a holiday, or use online banking, you already have the skills to manage your financial life. You just have to care enough to get started.

No One Is Coming to Save You

This might sound harsh, but it needs saying: no one is coming to save you. Not your employer, not the government, not a financial influencer. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll realise that you can do this and you don’t need to wait for permission.

You don’t need to understand the ins and outs of the FTSE All-World Index to start investing. You don’t need to live on lentils and cut your own hair to make progress. You just need to take the first step. And then the next.

The Basics Work. If You Do.

FI isn’t a secret club. It’s not gated behind £1,000 courses or 6am cold plunges. The core message has been around for decades, and it works. Thousands of ordinary people with kids, mortgages, full-time jobs, and average incomes, have followed the path. Slowly. Quietly. Successfully.

The reason most people don’t get there isn’t because they don’t know what to do. It’s because they never start. Or they give up when it gets boring.

So, What Now?

If you’ve read this far, you probably already know what needs to happen. Track your spending. Build a buffer. Pay down high-interest debt. Start investing in low-cost index funds. Avoid lifestyle inflation. Keep going.

No, it’s not exciting. But it works.

There’s no magic bullet. But there is a map. The question isn’t whether it works, it’s whether you’re willing to stop searching for a shortcut and start walking the path.

DISCLAIMER

The views and opinions in this blog are my own, and do not represent the views or opinions of my former, current, or future employers, nor should they be considered advice.

If you want personalised financial advice, seek an appropriate professional.  If you are in financial difficulty, seek advice via the resources below:

StepChange

MoneyHelper

Biolink 

You can now find all my social media pages by checking out my Biolink:

bio.link/davidscothern.