Part 284: The Math ain’t Mathin’

Hello and welcome back to Mortgage Advisor on FIRE, with a brand new logo! This week I consider different options for the new financial year. Also, a great walk in the Peak District, and more stupidity from you-know-who.

Weekly Update

I had my first appointment with a client at my new job this week, and my diary will be getting filled up going forward.  I’m looking forward to getting started properly now and seeing what I can do.  I mentioned recently that I was feeling stuck at Lloyds, like I wasn’t able to push myself due to the nature of the role.  I’m feeling like I’ve got a bit of fire back in me to get stuck into this role and succeed.

Mother’s Day

Rewinding to last Sunday, we were all looking forward to a nice lunch for Mother’s Day.  The four of us, myself, Oana, my Mom, and her husband, booked a place we’ve not tried before.  It was disappointing.  I had a burger and fries that just felt a bit cheap, like it was something you’d have seen at a school lunch.  We all felt the same.  It was also expensive.  My burger and fries were £15, compared to a burger and fries I’d had the day before that was much nicer and was only £11.  I wasn’t expecting anything fancy, as we all wanted something chill and laid-back, but this was just poor.

After lunch we stopped for a drink at a cafe we’d only had cake from before.  Again, it was disappointing.  For four drinks and two small brownies, we paid a fraction under £30, and the quality of the food, the drink, and the service was poor.  They got our order wrong, missing out on things we’d asked for and paid for, so we had to get that corrected.  The attitude of the staff was passive-aggressive, and their stance on stamp cards was bizarre.  Every cafe I’ve been to has done one stamp per drink.  Here, it was one stamp per order.  So, we could have done four separate orders and got four stamps, but because we did a group order, we only got one.  Not that it matters, as we will not be going back.  

The day improved after that as we went for a little walk around the city before heading home and chilling out.

Hospital

I had an MRI on my elbow on Tuesday evening, and it was the most uncomfortable one I’ve ever had.  In my life, I’ve had many MRIs on my head, neck, both shoulders, my right elbow, my back, and several on my legs.  And I still don’t have any superpowers.

Anyway, I’m quite relaxed about the whole process.  I just close my eyes and usually doze whilst it’s happening.  This time was different.  I had to go into the machine on my front.  My right arm was stretched out ahead of me and wrapped in some material.  I also had to have my left arm stretched ahead of me with a pad squashed down that side also, meaning I was being pressed in from both sides because of the pads and wrapping.  I also had the large, over-ear headphones that they make you wear.  Due to the position I had to be in, I had to twist my neck to one side, again because of the padding and wrapping.  I couldn’t have anything in my hair, and so it fell over my face.  This meant I was very, very warm, and breathing just made me warmer because my whole face was covered with hair.  I had to stay like this for half an hour.  Not fun; I would not recommend it.

I should get some results in a few weeks, but I’m not expecting them to find much.  I’ve already had an MRI for this, as well as CT, X-ray, and ultrasound.  Whatever the issue is, it does not seem to be showing up on scans.  

The Vet

The last few times we’ve had to take Poppy to the vet or the cattery, it’s been a struggle.  She gets more stressed each time.  The last incident was very stressful all around, and it was clear we needed to do something different.  I suggested we get her basket out a few days before so she could see it, get used to it, and calm down.  It worked! When the time came, she was still a little stressed, but she ended up going into the basket herself without us needing to get scratched and clawed at as we tried to push her in.  

Normally, when we go to the vet, it’s fairly busy, and we are kept waiting a bit.  This time, we walked in and no other person was waiting.  We were called straight in, and we were walking back out less than ten minutes later.  We also saw the vet we like the most, a young guy called Henry.  He is always friendly and fusses over the cats we’ve had.  All in all, a successful check-up with minimal stress.

Mushroom Bourguignon

Although the recipe card calls it a mushroom bourguignon, it’s not exactly traditional.  We’ve also made a few tweaks to the recipe to cater to our tastes, but I have to say it’s the best mushroom dish on the planet.  I said what I said.

I start by heating some olive oil before adding diced brown onion and carrot.  After maybe ten minutes, I add some sliced mushrooms, normally flat white and shitake.  I let this cook for a few minutes and then add garlic, tomato puree, and red wine stock, with some thyme and a little flour.  Once all this is mixed in, I add a little dark soy sauce and some sugar.  

At the same time I’m doing this, I’ve got some chopped potatoes (skin on) on the boil.  When they’re ready, I mash them with salt, pepper, salted butter, milk, chopped fresh chives, and some grated mature cheddar.  

Then, the two are served together, and it’s like you are eating in the halls of the gods.  

Donald Trump

*sigh* let’s just get into it…

Although it was written a few years ago, it is still very much relevant now.  A British writer, Nate White (@Ipitythepoorfo1 on X) summed it up best when asked why British people don’t like Trump:

“Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?

A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief. 

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty. 

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness. 

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:

• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
• You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man. 

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. 

God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?’ If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set.”

 ~ Nate White

The Tariffs

It’s impressive that he manages to keep outdoing himself with stupid ideas.  These tariffs are just the latest in a series of mindbogglingly dumb decisions made by the President.  To understand why it’s dumb, you need to understand what a tariff is in this context.

A tariff is basically a tax or duty levied against imports.  So, those wanting to have their products exported to the US will have to pay more to do so.  Those costs will be passed on to the consumer, i.e. the people in the country that are enforcing the tariff.  So, Trump wants to make Americans better off by making the things they buy cost more.  The math isn’t mathin’.

Tariffs are not always a bad thing, though. Used as a precision instrument rather than a sledgehammer, they can help an economy.  They should be used tactically and not just applied to all.  The only thing Trump has achieved here is to simultaneously annoy the rest of the planet and make life more difficult for working Americans.  

Another claim made by Trump was not just ignorant but also offensive.  He stated that between 1789 and 1913, the US was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been.  For much of that time, until 1865, a significant amount of manual labour was completed by those who were not paid and had no choice but to work.  I’m talking about slavery.  Banging on about how wealthy your country was when it was built on the back of slave labour is crass and a sign of the absolute vacuum that is present between his ears.

The 1700s, 1800s, and early 1900s were hardly halcyon days in the US.  Poverty was widespread, and people suffered.  The fact that so many people in the US are buying into this bullshit should be a national embarrassment, and I suspect history will not look kindly upon them.

Lego

This week I received the Lego display stands for the Venator model, and the Millenium Falcon, which I don’t yet own.  Emphasis on “yet”.  I’m very happy with how the Venator looks now that it’s on a proper stand:

More Walks in the Peak District

It was another early start on Saturday morning as our good friend Yvonne picked us up at 7am to drive us to the Peaks.  We parked near Ladybower and then walked up to the summit of Win Hill, which is 462m above sea level.  The views were spectacular and not obscured by any fog, which made a nice change for me.  

The initial climb was tough, with an extremely steep incline over rocks and fallen trees and branches.  We had to stop a couple of times on the way up to catch our breath and have a drink of water.  It felt good to break out of the tree cover as we approached the summit, though.  Once we were out of the trees, it was then a more gentle climb to the top where we could see for miles around.

After we finished taking in the sights, we set off down the other side of the hill.  It was a long walk through fields and more woods.  At one point, the tree cover was so dense that it felt almost like nighttime.  At this point, we were about three hours into our walk and the time came to turn back on ourselves and walk along side the reservoir to our left.  What would have been a pleasant, relaxing walk was marred a little by many bikers speeding along the road on the other side of the water.  The sound became a constant drone that drowned out the sounds of the water, the wind, and the wildlife.  

We made it back to the car and drove back to Sheffield before stopping off at Peddler Market for some food.  The food was… gross.  The three of us all ate from the same place, an Indian street food vendor, but it was just gross and we all left at least half of our food.  We were too tired to do anything about it, so we parted ways and Oana and I went home.  

The last bit of the day, with the food, might have sucked but it was a great day overall.  

Here are some pics:

What I’m Doing

Listening: Dust by Hugh Howey.

Watching: YouTube channels; In Deep Geek, Side Projects, Mega Projects.

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Financial Update

Assets

Premium Bonds: £30,500.00.

Stocks and Shares ISA: £87,799.06.

Fuck It Fund: £8,457.07.

Pensions: £89,841.95.

Residential Property Value: £237,228.00. 

Total Assets: £453,826.08.

Debts

Residential Mortgage: £183,840.69. 

Total Debts: £183,840.69.

Total Wealth: £269,985.39.

In the past couple of months or so, I’ve seen my fund values drop approximately £15k between my ISA and pensions.  In one sense, it’s good that as the ISA allowance renews on April 6th, the unit prices will be lower.  On the other hand it’s frustrating that it’s in large part down to the actions of a buffoon who is still due to be around for another 3 and a bit years.  

I suspect he will not see out a full term, though.  I think sooner or later, he will do something so unhinged that even loyalists will have a sharp intake of breath and think, “Yeah, it’s time.”

The big question is what I’m going to invest, and where.

I’m going to empty my Fuck It Fund and I could scrape another £1,500 or so together if I need to.  So, approximately £10k is what I’m looking at.  My initial thought was to invest £8k and then have twelve months to max out the remaining £12k allowance.  If I do £10k up front, that means a further £10k to max out the annual allowance over a 12-month period, which is £833pm.

My concern is stretching myself too thin and needing cash for something later down the line.  

I think it’s something I’ll sleep on and see how I feel in the morning.  It’s a shame no one is offering a £20k loan at 0% interest….  Even better, does anyone want to gift me £20k?

What are your plans for your ISA now that the new year has started?  Let me know in the comments.

Sheffield Wednesday

It feels like Groundhog Day at Hillsborough. Once again, the headlines are not about football – they’re about finances, frustration, and fear for the future. March came and went, and the players and staff at Sheffield Wednesday weren’t paid on time. Again.

Let that sink in. Professional footballers in the Championship, one of the most lucrative leagues in the world, are not receiving their wages on time. It’s shameful and becoming depressingly normal.

I don’t get the arguments that some people make that footballers are all rich and should be ok going without their wages for a few days.  This completely misses the point that it’s a contractual agreement.  No one forced the club to offer these contracts.  

Another Crisis Under Chansiri

Since arriving in 2015, Chansiri has presided over a slow and painful decline. There was a brief glimmer of hope with Carlos Carvalhal’s near-miss in the 2016 playoff final, but that now feels like a distant memory. What followed was a litany of disastrous decisions:

There was ridiculous spending and recruitment that felt like a scattergun approach rather than systematically building a team.  Millions were spent on players who added nothing. Jordan Rhodes, Almen Abdi, and many more.

Then, there are the off-the-field issues, like the crest redesign to ticketing policies that alienated fans, and there’s been a consistent failure to understand the culture and heartbeat of the club.

We’ve had embargoes, and a points deduction that ultimately led to relegation.  Once again for those at the back of the room; we did not get relegated because we were one of the three worst teams in the division.  We were relegated because we had a points deduction.

We also have Hillsborough stadium, which is like a millstone around our neck for reasons I don’t think need explaining.

Danny Röhl – One Foot Out the Door?

Amid this mess, one man brought hope. Danny Röhl arrived as an unknown quantity and has since transformed the culture, attitude, and playing style of the team. He’s worked miracles with a thin squad, limited resources, and now, apparently, no pay.

It’s hard to imagine he’ll stick around. Röhl is an ambitious young manager with a bright future. He could walk into a better-run Championship club tomorrow or even one in the Bundesliga or Premier League. Who could blame him?

He’s spoken publicly about the need for the club to match his ambition.  Unless we get a new owner, it’s just not going to happen.

It’s time for a reset. A clean slate. A fresh start with owners who understand football, respect the supporters, know how to build a sustainable future, and understand that Sheffield is an old industrial city with many working-class people.  We’re not London, and we shouldn’t have to pay London prices.

Until we are under new ownership, we will continue to stumble along and yo-yo between the Championship and League One.

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great week ahead. Please remember to like, share, subscribe, and comment.

DISCLAIMER

The views and opinions in this blog are my own, and do not represent the views or opinions of my former, current, or future employers, nor should they be considered advice.

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